Have you ever read one of those articles? You know, the ones that give you all the advice on how to “catch a man”.
The authors often say things like “don’t be too pushy”, “be nice to the guy”, “don’t text him first”, “make him want you”, and so on.
Throw all those articles away. Better yet, BURN THEM.
The advice in those articles are archaic and do not apply to single, independent women in 2019.
Instead, try these 5 unconventional dating advice below to help you find a better partner. In case you don’t the advice below will at least make your search much more enjoyable.
Before we start talking about the actual advice, it’s important that I answer a few questions first.
Questions such as what qualifications do I have to give advice like this? Why should you listen to me?
So, let’s jump right into it.
Why listen to me?
You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t listen to me anymore than you should listen to any of the ‘experts’ who tell you not to be pushy.
Yes, experts do have a lot of knowledge and can help you answer many dating questions you might have.
However, it’s even more important that you take any advice with a grain of salt, compile multiple pieces of advice from different sources, and come up with your own conclusion on what you should and shouldn’t do.
are my qualification?
There are two main qualifications that make me an expert in matters of the heart.
1. I’m a psychologist(ish)
I call myself that because I studied psychology in college.
Unlike most people around me who did, I always had a passion for understanding humans and why we do the stupid things we do.
So, in addition to having studied this in college have spent years and years miticulously observing the humans I have been around.
Because of that, I’m often good at predicting what people are gonna do what they do, and why.
Moreover, being a man and having played basketball in college, I’ve spent a lot of time in locker rooms and I know a thing or two about how men think.
2. I’ve been around
I partied alot in college.
Again, unlike most people who went to parties, I found it fun and interesting to talk to people, get to know them, and observe these humans make dumb decisions after dumb decisions.
Moreover, I often went to parties with men. So, I got to know them quite a bit. I know the things we say. I know how afraid we often are to approach women (even us adults). Most importantly, I know what we tend to think of women.
So, in short, I could give you insights on why that guy never called you, or why he’s playing games ect. Hint: It’s more often simpler than you think.
Now that we’ve answered those questions, let’s jump right into the advice.
1. Whore out.
Yup, I said it. Just do it.
No, I’m not saying go have sex with hundreds of men (unless you want to of course). But date 10 of them. Maybe 20 at a time. Men are doing it. Why shouldn’t you?
There are several benefits to whoring out.
It’s a numbers game.
Say you like a guy. For the sake of this argument, let’s call him John.
You like John, and John likes you back.
One Sunday after brunch, you have the talk with John and you tell him you’d like to date him. He says: “I’m not sure im ready for it”. This is code word for: “I’d still like to date other people or I wanna keep my options open”.
If John says that, don’t spend the next 6 month with him because you think you like him and you hope he’ll eventually like you. He probably won’t. And it’s really not you, it’s him (I’ll get to that later).
If you waste the next 6 months, year or 5 years playing games with John, you’re just lessening your odds of finding ‘Mr Right’. It’s a numbers game.
If John, says anything other than “yes” to dating you, DATE OTHER PEOPLE – while dating John. He’s probably doing the same.
Getting to know yourself
If you go into a grocery store and try an apple for the first time. You think to yourself it’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted, so you buy the apple, leave the store, and devour the apple.
You might kick yourself in the head when you go back to that store and realize bananas taste even better than apples.
As a single person, think of life as a grocery store. But one like Costco where you can sample items after items after items. Try bananas, try rasberries, try blackberries, try cucumbers.
Often, the problem with finding ‘Mr Right’ is that we don’t know exactly what we want. You won’t know that if you date just one person and decide he is that one.
Yes. Some of us get lucky and find our soulmates in high school, middle or even elementary school.
For most of us however, sampling is a must.
We have to try out different types of vegetables, fruits, meats, in order to figure out what we like and/or what is best for us.
Flip men’s hypocresy on its head
I don’t know women. I will never claim to know them, but I have heard from many of my women friends that they don’t like sleeping or dating around because they don’t wanna be labeled as sluts.
I think that term was probably invented by some men to make women feel awful about sleeping around. But again, it’s not the 1800’s anymore.
Here’s a thought: Women should own the word ‘slut’ like black people once decide to own the word ‘Nigger’.
And it 30, 40, or 50 years from now, the word will be so cool that everyone will want to say it. Then, you guys could ban men from saying it ;). Just a thought.
Finally, if you’re worried that ‘Mr Right’ won’t love or like you because you dated or slept with too many people, DON’T.
If a guy wants to shame you for having dating or slept with too many people, but give his guy friend a high five for doing the same thing, that guy is a hypocrite and propably isn’t ‘Mr Right’.
2. Be bossy/demanding… or not.
In one of the articles I read, that tell women not to be ‘pushy’, the author actually says that women should be nice so that they ‘don’t make the man feel needed’…. huh? What? Seriously?
Screw that advice. Why would it be women’s responsibility to make a man feel like they are needed?
I’ll tell you why. Back in the days, it could be advantageous for women to bend over backwards to ‘please their man/masters’.
Women couldn’t vote, have a credit card, own land ect.
So, back in those days, if a women played her cards right and was ‘nice to her man’, she would get a roof over her head, food on her table for her and her children, and hopefully a husband who only cheats on her once or twice a year.
Those days are now long gone. Women are independent and no longer need men to make them feel safe, to provide food and or shelter.
Today, the only thing women get from bending over backwards, is headaches and heartaches for trying too hard to please someone who probably doesn’t deserve them.
So, dear women, BE YOU. If you like things a certain way (bossy), make it known. Don’t hold back to spare your man’s feelings.
If you’re more laid back, be that too. Just don’t let some jerks (not even me) tell you how you should behave.
It’s a tough world out there. Things change. Us men wanna be known as being tough, then we should adapt to this changing world.
3. Make the first move
I recently watched the Oscar-winning movie ‘The Green Book”.
In one of the scenes in the movie, the two main actors are talking. The main character tells the costar that he hasn’t talked to his brother in years because his brother probably wouldn’t want to talk to him.
The co-star replies: “Just do it. You never know. The world is full of lonely people afraid to make the first move.”
I completely agree with the quote.
I told you about my party days. My friends and I would often be at party and/or at bars, just huddled up in a corner of the bar or party.
You’ve probably experienced this at bars, or parties you’ve been too. The men gather up on one side, the women do too and no one talks to one another.
What’s the point of going out (and drinking), if you can’t use drinking as an excuse to approach a guy or a girl that you like try talking to them?
Men are afraid
Here is something you might find interesting: Men are afraid of talking to women.
Yes, even the really good looking guy that you see at a bar and you think: “He must be confident, he’s gonna come talk to me”. Nope. Even that guy is shy(ish), and might not make the first move.
Here’s why: The best looking guy is probably going to have about a 30-40% strikeout ratio. Meaning that if he approaches 10 women at a party, 3-4 of them might be receptive to his approach.
We’re afraid of rejection and ‘public humiliation’. So, most of us won’t even try.
I’m not sure how many women often make the first, but i’d be willing to be alot of money that women’s strikeout ratio would be much higher.
Why the disparity
I’m not sure why. I don’t know of any studies that have been made on the subject, but I’ll give you my theory.
Guys are kinda dumb. Whether its because we want to appear more powerful, or because we are always horny, guys are always ready to have sex.
In other words, if a really good looking girl approaches 10 single guys at a bar or party in one night, and said: “let’s go home and have sex”, at least 9.5 out of those guys would say yes.
However, if a really good looking guy approaches 10 women at a bar or party in one night and said: “let’s go home and have sex”, I believe only 5 (maybe less) would say yes.
I’m not sure if it’s because women are more afraid that guys could be rapist, afraid of being called sluts or just that women are smarter, but those are the numbers.
That’s why you should make the first move. As a woman you’re more likely to start a genuine conversation than a man is.
4. Be patient
This article is mainly for women who are ambitious. Women who have goals, know exactly what they want and are not afraid to go after it.
If you’re one of those, chances are you’re very successful. Surprisingly, in this age of feminism, that can come with some headaches.
A lot of men aren’t ready to date women who are more successful. It could be our ego, it could be how we were raised, but some of us might find dating a more successful women, a challenging endeavor.
As a result, this might mean that the odds of finding ‘Mr Right’ for you is lower than other women.
If fewer of us are okay with dating women who are more successful than we are, the pool you’ll be selecting from will be smaller. Therefore it’ll be harder (not impossible) to find ‘Mr Right’.
So, be patient. If need be, refer back to advice #1 and WHORE OUT. But, most importantly, DO NOT SETTLE for the first fruit you see just cause it tastes kinda good.
5. It’s not you, it’s him
Yes, when a guy says ‘Its not you, it’s me’, he really means that it’s you. In his mind, you’re not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough ect for him. But he’s wrong.
Here is a painting by Pablo Picasso. I don’t quite care for it. Even if someone gave it to me for free, I probably wouldn’t hang this up in my apartment/home.
This painting is always worth $10M. My inability to appreciate this painting doesn’t make it any less valuable.
You have to think of yourself as a work of art. We all are unique. We all have gifts, talents, flaws, that no one else does.
The reason he thinks you’re not good enough, isn’t because you aren’t. It’s because, the way he was made, does not allow him to appreciate how beautiful, unique and/or valuable you truly are.
In that sense, it’s truly not you. It’s him.
It’s important to remember that important fact as you navigate through your single life. If possible, try to remind yourself of this fact each morning.
Failing to do so often means settling for partners because we think its the best we can do. This often leads to unhappy relationships, ‘singleships’ and even lives.